My dearest, most faithful Journal,
As of late, I have found myself becoming increasingly fascinated by the game of Poker. Some might call me a little late on joining a trend which swept the world a couple of years ago: far from it. In fact, I was there too, avidly interested in the game. There was just one problem; I sucked...
Fast forward to 2009 and while I still don't claim to be much good, I at least have the basics down pat. I have currently won two Myspace "Sit and Go" Tournaments (this doesn't say much as it's pretty much against talentless hacks - in fact, it's probably an indictment on my playing abilities that I only have two wins haha) and I have just returned from losing nearly all my chips. I put this down to bad luck as I had two very good hands set to bring me back from the deep pits of defeat, only for my opponents to have slightly better (and highly unlikely) hands. This nearly broke my heart, but if anything, I probably shouldn't be doing this at 1 in the morning anyway. Sleep deprivation does not win Poker games people!
So yes, tomorrow is a new day and I will set out to regain those many, many chips that I have lost. I'm not unconfident of my chances, but if I recieve the luck I got today, it will be an uphill battle. Maybe I should give up the dream and actually focus on that Law degree I'm supposed to be doing...
Showing posts with label Fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fail. Show all posts
Friday, 1 May 2009
Thursday, 30 April 2009
A History of JaquelinRose - Pt. 3 (FINAL!!!)
Standing imposingly in Jacky's unworthy doorway was the legend himself. Some doubted his very existence, but Jaquelinrose always knew in her heart that the stories were true. Disturbed genius Mill; inventor of the wind change theory and sliced bread was just centimetres from being inside her house, and she hadn't even asked him inside yet... Jacky felt a little foolish about this, because she did not want to keep Mill waiting, but she had a few burning questions of him that she just could not suppress.
"Mill! I can't believe it's really you!" Jacky exclaimed loudly.
"Well, believe it Jacky!" he replied.
"Why are you here?"
"Oh, ok then. No 'ohai Mill, it’s soooo good to see you!' Whatever..."
"-.-"
"Alright then... Well, do you remember that scandalous Wikipedia Scare of '06?"
"I remember it like it was yesterday..."
"Well, I believe that the source of the commotion has something to do with your Mac!"
Jacky's heart sank to a depth she did not know existed. Standing before her was the man himself; the legend, and he had only come to visit her because she was probably to blame for one of the cyber world's biggest disasters...
--
Of course, none of you are likely to know about the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06, so I must take this opportunity to 'fill the gaps' in your knowledge, so to speak.
The year was 2003, a good 5 years before Jacky became a well-known online celebrity. Guys, these were not good days. The skies were always grey, the air was seemingly polluted beyond repair and as a result, young Jacky developed asthma. As such, it was impractical for Jacky to enjoy her 'prime' years outdoors, having fun with the other boys and girls her age, and she thus began to occupy herself with a thing called the interweb.
[I would also like to take the opportunity to assure you that unlike my normal stories, this one will have a happy ending, even if you can't see it coming yet]
Anyway, on this so-called 'interweb', Jacky discovered a treasure-trove of information on a little family website called 'Wikipedia'. As the years passed by, Jacky helped build the site into the world's most popular (and simultaneously most unpopular) online encyclopaedia/search engine/news source/rumour spreader/media mogul.
At the same time this was happening, a slightly larger corporation named McDonalds was feeling a tad insecure and attempted to copyright every word in the English, French, German and Sudanese dictionaries. America being America, the Courts agreed to this drastic move with just one exception. The Judge could not agree to their exclusive ownership of the word 'the', which McDonalds proposed to charge regular citizens USD2.95 (currently AUD104.50 and NZD8756.20 [I can't fit Zimbabwe's figure here]) for every time they uttered or wrote the word. School children were exempt from this charge, with McDonalds creating a special 'student' price for educational use only - USD2.94. As the trial Judge stated in his judgment, "It is utterly absurd to suggest that this sort of policy could be policed 24-7, and I must therefore reject the motion that McDonalds own the word 'the'. I will however allow their ownership of the common misspelling of the word in the form of 'teh' as a form of deterrence for those with the inclination to spell poorly." Of course, it is absolutely absurd to suggest that an American could be this coherent; he was originally British.
On appeal, this allowance of frenetic copyrighting was overturned (by a Canadian born Judge), with the glaring exception of the misspelling of the word 'the' in the form of 'teh'. Rumours claim that by the time the Judge got around to it (it was the last inclusion on the list), he was so drunk (remembering he was Canadian) that he forgot to strike it from the list. Critics of this rumour remind rumour spreaders that the judgment was handed down at 11am, but critics must also remember that the Judge was Canadian.
So as the year of 2006 progressed, McDonalds took every opportunity they were afforded to 'fine' those unfortunate enough to misspell 'the' as 'teh'. One of these victims happened to be (on multiple occasions - like a billion times) Wikipedia...
--
"Give me a look at your Word program please Jacky" Mill asked rather impolitely.
"Sure" Jacky replied sheepishly.
You see, Jacky was rather proud of her Mac. Only the good Lord knows why, but she had a certain affinity with it that she couldn't explain to the others, whom she regarded as 'outsiders'. Certainly, those outsiders couldn't understand how such a lively young woman could develop such a deep kinship with a computer (Jacky secretly seethed at the calling of her Mac a mere 'computer').
"There's your problem" Mill announced suddenly.
"What is it?" Jacky enquired rather stereotypically for someone who wanted to know what the announced, but unrevealed problem was.
"You write your articles in Word before you submit them to Wikipedia, right?"
"Yes, it makes sure I don't make as many errors"
"Well, somehow Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip likes to change 'the' to 'teh' when you're not looking."
"Why does it do that"
"It is a Mac..."
And so the mystery of the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06 was solved, and Wikipedia enjoyed that happy ending you were promised by not owing $42.7 billion to McDonalds. However, according to America's judicial system, someone had to pay, and that was Jacky. Fortunately for her, disturbed genius Mill was also disturbingly rich and footed the bill for her (including the obligatory 10% tip). And you want to know the really happy part about this ending? Mill even helped her assemble her new bicycle.
~Fin~
"Mill! I can't believe it's really you!" Jacky exclaimed loudly.
"Well, believe it Jacky!" he replied.
"Why are you here?"
"Oh, ok then. No 'ohai Mill, it’s soooo good to see you!' Whatever..."
"-.-"
"Alright then... Well, do you remember that scandalous Wikipedia Scare of '06?"
"I remember it like it was yesterday..."
"Well, I believe that the source of the commotion has something to do with your Mac!"
Jacky's heart sank to a depth she did not know existed. Standing before her was the man himself; the legend, and he had only come to visit her because she was probably to blame for one of the cyber world's biggest disasters...
--
Of course, none of you are likely to know about the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06, so I must take this opportunity to 'fill the gaps' in your knowledge, so to speak.
The year was 2003, a good 5 years before Jacky became a well-known online celebrity. Guys, these were not good days. The skies were always grey, the air was seemingly polluted beyond repair and as a result, young Jacky developed asthma. As such, it was impractical for Jacky to enjoy her 'prime' years outdoors, having fun with the other boys and girls her age, and she thus began to occupy herself with a thing called the interweb.
[I would also like to take the opportunity to assure you that unlike my normal stories, this one will have a happy ending, even if you can't see it coming yet]
Anyway, on this so-called 'interweb', Jacky discovered a treasure-trove of information on a little family website called 'Wikipedia'. As the years passed by, Jacky helped build the site into the world's most popular (and simultaneously most unpopular) online encyclopaedia/search engine/news source/rumour spreader/media mogul.
At the same time this was happening, a slightly larger corporation named McDonalds was feeling a tad insecure and attempted to copyright every word in the English, French, German and Sudanese dictionaries. America being America, the Courts agreed to this drastic move with just one exception. The Judge could not agree to their exclusive ownership of the word 'the', which McDonalds proposed to charge regular citizens USD2.95 (currently AUD104.50 and NZD8756.20 [I can't fit Zimbabwe's figure here]) for every time they uttered or wrote the word. School children were exempt from this charge, with McDonalds creating a special 'student' price for educational use only - USD2.94. As the trial Judge stated in his judgment, "It is utterly absurd to suggest that this sort of policy could be policed 24-7, and I must therefore reject the motion that McDonalds own the word 'the'. I will however allow their ownership of the common misspelling of the word in the form of 'teh' as a form of deterrence for those with the inclination to spell poorly." Of course, it is absolutely absurd to suggest that an American could be this coherent; he was originally British.
On appeal, this allowance of frenetic copyrighting was overturned (by a Canadian born Judge), with the glaring exception of the misspelling of the word 'the' in the form of 'teh'. Rumours claim that by the time the Judge got around to it (it was the last inclusion on the list), he was so drunk (remembering he was Canadian) that he forgot to strike it from the list. Critics of this rumour remind rumour spreaders that the judgment was handed down at 11am, but critics must also remember that the Judge was Canadian.
So as the year of 2006 progressed, McDonalds took every opportunity they were afforded to 'fine' those unfortunate enough to misspell 'the' as 'teh'. One of these victims happened to be (on multiple occasions - like a billion times) Wikipedia...
--
"Give me a look at your Word program please Jacky" Mill asked rather impolitely.
"Sure" Jacky replied sheepishly.
You see, Jacky was rather proud of her Mac. Only the good Lord knows why, but she had a certain affinity with it that she couldn't explain to the others, whom she regarded as 'outsiders'. Certainly, those outsiders couldn't understand how such a lively young woman could develop such a deep kinship with a computer (Jacky secretly seethed at the calling of her Mac a mere 'computer').
"There's your problem" Mill announced suddenly.
"What is it?" Jacky enquired rather stereotypically for someone who wanted to know what the announced, but unrevealed problem was.
"You write your articles in Word before you submit them to Wikipedia, right?"
"Yes, it makes sure I don't make as many errors"
"Well, somehow Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip likes to change 'the' to 'teh' when you're not looking."
"Why does it do that"
"It is a Mac..."
And so the mystery of the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06 was solved, and Wikipedia enjoyed that happy ending you were promised by not owing $42.7 billion to McDonalds. However, according to America's judicial system, someone had to pay, and that was Jacky. Fortunately for her, disturbed genius Mill was also disturbingly rich and footed the bill for her (including the obligatory 10% tip). And you want to know the really happy part about this ending? Mill even helped her assemble her new bicycle.
~Fin~
Saturday, 11 April 2009
Close Your Eyes, Just Settle, Settle
Alrighty,
So, as my title suggests, it is time for me to go to bed, and thus bring to a close my first day of having this blog. I will try and rip off a different band for my next plagiarised title, I promise!
Today has been somewhat eventless, with the highlight (? - notable at least) being Dad randomly finding me in some burger shop in Gymea, when he should have been at work. He didn't seem to want anything, he just found me there and thought he'd say hi... Funny thing is he found my brother on his way to a nearby shopping centre too. I may have to search my body for a GPS device haha.
I should also probably note that if I continue to blog here, I will hopefully post more meaningful stuff than the crap I am currently producing - i.e. more than merely documenting my daily happenings in a few neat paragraphs that will most likely force you into a dreary somnolence. Just don't take me too seriously - seriously.
As my eyelids inch ever nearer toward closure, I find it increasingly difficult to resist regretting my making of this blog. I do not know where it is going to go, but I am sure it will only confirm how much of a dork I really am. I mean, I have a respectable e-presence to maintain, and at this rate, I won't even be able to put away 'user: reno' from DBD in a simple, clear-cut case of I'm right, and he's repeatedly wrong.
I was going to leave you with either some wonderfully insightful quote or concept, or a humorous and witty remark, however it has come to the point where you have surely called my bluff. You have kept reading beyond where I thought you would stop and, as some maligned comedians may admit from time to time, "I got nuthin'"
Yours in internet
Mill
So, as my title suggests, it is time for me to go to bed, and thus bring to a close my first day of having this blog. I will try and rip off a different band for my next plagiarised title, I promise!
Today has been somewhat eventless, with the highlight (? - notable at least) being Dad randomly finding me in some burger shop in Gymea, when he should have been at work. He didn't seem to want anything, he just found me there and thought he'd say hi... Funny thing is he found my brother on his way to a nearby shopping centre too. I may have to search my body for a GPS device haha.
I should also probably note that if I continue to blog here, I will hopefully post more meaningful stuff than the crap I am currently producing - i.e. more than merely documenting my daily happenings in a few neat paragraphs that will most likely force you into a dreary somnolence. Just don't take me too seriously - seriously.
As my eyelids inch ever nearer toward closure, I find it increasingly difficult to resist regretting my making of this blog. I do not know where it is going to go, but I am sure it will only confirm how much of a dork I really am. I mean, I have a respectable e-presence to maintain, and at this rate, I won't even be able to put away 'user: reno' from DBD in a simple, clear-cut case of I'm right, and he's repeatedly wrong.
I was going to leave you with either some wonderfully insightful quote or concept, or a humorous and witty remark, however it has come to the point where you have surely called my bluff. You have kept reading beyond where I thought you would stop and, as some maligned comedians may admit from time to time, "I got nuthin'"
Yours in internet
Mill
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