So, I have not posted in ages, and I thought that I owed this little space some love, considering all the neglect it has suffered the past few weeks.
I do intend to keep using this thing, but due to a number of reasons, I have not been able to update it as regularly as I would like. Those reasons are:
1. University and Exam Season
2. Lack of creative ideas
3. Pure laziness
When taken together, it's little wonder I have little to show for the last month or two. Come next week, I hope to write a whole lot more, so if anyone is still reading this thing, stay tuned :)
In the pipeline is the rest of 'Chillogy's Travels' as well as a possible new project, depending on how long it takes me to finish the first one. I may also share my thoughts on various new releases in the music and film worlds, and perhaps even some books. Let me know what you think, or what you would like to know my opinion on, and I'll do my best to incorporate any suggestions in my month-long break from life.
So, what should you expect from future posts? Perhaps a little less satirical commentaries in my short stories (this was hinted at in the first instalment of Chillogy's Travels, which was a lot more serious that A History of JaquelinRose). Perhaps I will also finally go past the point where I am certifiably insane, hence making my writing a lot more interesting and abstract. Whatever the future has in store, let's hope it involves me actually using this thing
Until next time internet,
Mill
Friday, 19 June 2009
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Chillogy's Travels (Part 1)
As a thick fog stealthily descended to the rough and brutal waters of the stubborn ocean, a small and eloquent ship was awoken by their committed Captain and was informed of a long struggle to navigate the ship in the adverse conditions combined with the chilling gloom of the threatening night. Hour after fearsome hour, the JaquelinRose™ rocked and swayed, back and forth, crippling the worried crew with a trembling apprehension of immediate harm. For what seemed an eternity, they fought with every last ounce of strength they could muster. Suddenly it was dawn. The sea became calm and the fog gradually lifted. However, what lay before them was a sight so terrifying that they would soon wish they were once again contending with the vicious storm, feeling safe under the refuge of the black of the night...
--
I am compelled to give you – my dear readers – a little background knowledge to this frightening scene before we proceed any further with this no doubt gripping and adventurous tale. Compelled for two reasons:
1. It will help you understand the story a little better
2. I am, at this point in time, a little short on ideas for this story, and this will fill up some much needed space
The JaquelinRose was perhaps the world’s most sought after ship many centuries ago. From a distance, one could gauge that it was very small, but anyone who had seen it up close knew that it was a sight to behold. Constructed carefully with the finest timber available at the time; panels intricately interweaving to form a water tight bond; and stunning patterns laboriously crafted by untold hours of determined concentration and precise skill, the JaquelinRose was the closest real-life example of perfection you could find. Of course, such a stunning vessel required only the best of the best when it came to crew selection for its maiden voyage. And it is the members of that crew whom to you I will now describe.
Captain Mitch ‘Chillogy’ Chillogy was perhaps the finest Captain to ever grace the shores of wherever it was the JaquelinRose was created. With two solid weeks of sailor’s school behind him as well as a half-day Captain’s course, he was by far the most qualified person in town to be left in charge of the effervescent JaquelinRose. This wasn’t his only claim to fame. He also appeared on Master Chef, hoping to escape the tedium of the first week of Sailor College, telling the show whilst trying to hold back tears, “I just felt like I was stuck in a rut, and felt it was time for a change. Cooking has been my passion for the last four days now, and I really hope I can win so that I can spend the rest of my life in a highly stressful, low paying career where I am judged solely on my failures, and my successes go largely unnoticed.” He was eliminated in the second week, and resumed his final gruelling week of College after a six month recuperation period.
Chillogy’s crew were perhaps a little more focussed on the life direction in which they wanted to pursue. Seven of the town’s strongest and brightest men and women sacrificed various professions in Law, Medicine and Finance to sail the high seas with Chillogy, as that’s the kind of people they were. They would do anything for the town’s most respected citizen, even if it meant sacrificing life-long financial security, marital stability and familial togetherness.
--
And so the crew of seven plus their Captain (plus their cat, Drew) found themselves in a precariously dire situation. Before them was something so sinister, and so feared, that many believed it only to be a legend. Precisely what it is cannot be revealed until the next instalment (so stay tuned), but I wouldn’t be surprised if Chillogy and his crew are shitting bricks at the moment. I know I would...
--
I am compelled to give you – my dear readers – a little background knowledge to this frightening scene before we proceed any further with this no doubt gripping and adventurous tale. Compelled for two reasons:
1. It will help you understand the story a little better
2. I am, at this point in time, a little short on ideas for this story, and this will fill up some much needed space
The JaquelinRose was perhaps the world’s most sought after ship many centuries ago. From a distance, one could gauge that it was very small, but anyone who had seen it up close knew that it was a sight to behold. Constructed carefully with the finest timber available at the time; panels intricately interweaving to form a water tight bond; and stunning patterns laboriously crafted by untold hours of determined concentration and precise skill, the JaquelinRose was the closest real-life example of perfection you could find. Of course, such a stunning vessel required only the best of the best when it came to crew selection for its maiden voyage. And it is the members of that crew whom to you I will now describe.
Captain Mitch ‘Chillogy’ Chillogy was perhaps the finest Captain to ever grace the shores of wherever it was the JaquelinRose was created. With two solid weeks of sailor’s school behind him as well as a half-day Captain’s course, he was by far the most qualified person in town to be left in charge of the effervescent JaquelinRose. This wasn’t his only claim to fame. He also appeared on Master Chef, hoping to escape the tedium of the first week of Sailor College, telling the show whilst trying to hold back tears, “I just felt like I was stuck in a rut, and felt it was time for a change. Cooking has been my passion for the last four days now, and I really hope I can win so that I can spend the rest of my life in a highly stressful, low paying career where I am judged solely on my failures, and my successes go largely unnoticed.” He was eliminated in the second week, and resumed his final gruelling week of College after a six month recuperation period.
Chillogy’s crew were perhaps a little more focussed on the life direction in which they wanted to pursue. Seven of the town’s strongest and brightest men and women sacrificed various professions in Law, Medicine and Finance to sail the high seas with Chillogy, as that’s the kind of people they were. They would do anything for the town’s most respected citizen, even if it meant sacrificing life-long financial security, marital stability and familial togetherness.
--
And so the crew of seven plus their Captain (plus their cat, Drew) found themselves in a precariously dire situation. Before them was something so sinister, and so feared, that many believed it only to be a legend. Precisely what it is cannot be revealed until the next instalment (so stay tuned), but I wouldn’t be surprised if Chillogy and his crew are shitting bricks at the moment. I know I would...
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
A Shipwreck in the Sand...
A bold, new tale of gripping adventure, unrequited love, dangerous pirate ships, a talking cat and an enemy so vicious that they put Lord Voldemort to shame is coming soon to a Blog near you...
Friday, 1 May 2009
Get Your Game Face On!
My dearest, most faithful Journal,
As of late, I have found myself becoming increasingly fascinated by the game of Poker. Some might call me a little late on joining a trend which swept the world a couple of years ago: far from it. In fact, I was there too, avidly interested in the game. There was just one problem; I sucked...
Fast forward to 2009 and while I still don't claim to be much good, I at least have the basics down pat. I have currently won two Myspace "Sit and Go" Tournaments (this doesn't say much as it's pretty much against talentless hacks - in fact, it's probably an indictment on my playing abilities that I only have two wins haha) and I have just returned from losing nearly all my chips. I put this down to bad luck as I had two very good hands set to bring me back from the deep pits of defeat, only for my opponents to have slightly better (and highly unlikely) hands. This nearly broke my heart, but if anything, I probably shouldn't be doing this at 1 in the morning anyway. Sleep deprivation does not win Poker games people!
So yes, tomorrow is a new day and I will set out to regain those many, many chips that I have lost. I'm not unconfident of my chances, but if I recieve the luck I got today, it will be an uphill battle. Maybe I should give up the dream and actually focus on that Law degree I'm supposed to be doing...
As of late, I have found myself becoming increasingly fascinated by the game of Poker. Some might call me a little late on joining a trend which swept the world a couple of years ago: far from it. In fact, I was there too, avidly interested in the game. There was just one problem; I sucked...
Fast forward to 2009 and while I still don't claim to be much good, I at least have the basics down pat. I have currently won two Myspace "Sit and Go" Tournaments (this doesn't say much as it's pretty much against talentless hacks - in fact, it's probably an indictment on my playing abilities that I only have two wins haha) and I have just returned from losing nearly all my chips. I put this down to bad luck as I had two very good hands set to bring me back from the deep pits of defeat, only for my opponents to have slightly better (and highly unlikely) hands. This nearly broke my heart, but if anything, I probably shouldn't be doing this at 1 in the morning anyway. Sleep deprivation does not win Poker games people!
So yes, tomorrow is a new day and I will set out to regain those many, many chips that I have lost. I'm not unconfident of my chances, but if I recieve the luck I got today, it will be an uphill battle. Maybe I should give up the dream and actually focus on that Law degree I'm supposed to be doing...
Thursday, 30 April 2009
A History of JaquelinRose - Pt. 3 (FINAL!!!)
Standing imposingly in Jacky's unworthy doorway was the legend himself. Some doubted his very existence, but Jaquelinrose always knew in her heart that the stories were true. Disturbed genius Mill; inventor of the wind change theory and sliced bread was just centimetres from being inside her house, and she hadn't even asked him inside yet... Jacky felt a little foolish about this, because she did not want to keep Mill waiting, but she had a few burning questions of him that she just could not suppress.
"Mill! I can't believe it's really you!" Jacky exclaimed loudly.
"Well, believe it Jacky!" he replied.
"Why are you here?"
"Oh, ok then. No 'ohai Mill, it’s soooo good to see you!' Whatever..."
"-.-"
"Alright then... Well, do you remember that scandalous Wikipedia Scare of '06?"
"I remember it like it was yesterday..."
"Well, I believe that the source of the commotion has something to do with your Mac!"
Jacky's heart sank to a depth she did not know existed. Standing before her was the man himself; the legend, and he had only come to visit her because she was probably to blame for one of the cyber world's biggest disasters...
--
Of course, none of you are likely to know about the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06, so I must take this opportunity to 'fill the gaps' in your knowledge, so to speak.
The year was 2003, a good 5 years before Jacky became a well-known online celebrity. Guys, these were not good days. The skies were always grey, the air was seemingly polluted beyond repair and as a result, young Jacky developed asthma. As such, it was impractical for Jacky to enjoy her 'prime' years outdoors, having fun with the other boys and girls her age, and she thus began to occupy herself with a thing called the interweb.
[I would also like to take the opportunity to assure you that unlike my normal stories, this one will have a happy ending, even if you can't see it coming yet]
Anyway, on this so-called 'interweb', Jacky discovered a treasure-trove of information on a little family website called 'Wikipedia'. As the years passed by, Jacky helped build the site into the world's most popular (and simultaneously most unpopular) online encyclopaedia/search engine/news source/rumour spreader/media mogul.
At the same time this was happening, a slightly larger corporation named McDonalds was feeling a tad insecure and attempted to copyright every word in the English, French, German and Sudanese dictionaries. America being America, the Courts agreed to this drastic move with just one exception. The Judge could not agree to their exclusive ownership of the word 'the', which McDonalds proposed to charge regular citizens USD2.95 (currently AUD104.50 and NZD8756.20 [I can't fit Zimbabwe's figure here]) for every time they uttered or wrote the word. School children were exempt from this charge, with McDonalds creating a special 'student' price for educational use only - USD2.94. As the trial Judge stated in his judgment, "It is utterly absurd to suggest that this sort of policy could be policed 24-7, and I must therefore reject the motion that McDonalds own the word 'the'. I will however allow their ownership of the common misspelling of the word in the form of 'teh' as a form of deterrence for those with the inclination to spell poorly." Of course, it is absolutely absurd to suggest that an American could be this coherent; he was originally British.
On appeal, this allowance of frenetic copyrighting was overturned (by a Canadian born Judge), with the glaring exception of the misspelling of the word 'the' in the form of 'teh'. Rumours claim that by the time the Judge got around to it (it was the last inclusion on the list), he was so drunk (remembering he was Canadian) that he forgot to strike it from the list. Critics of this rumour remind rumour spreaders that the judgment was handed down at 11am, but critics must also remember that the Judge was Canadian.
So as the year of 2006 progressed, McDonalds took every opportunity they were afforded to 'fine' those unfortunate enough to misspell 'the' as 'teh'. One of these victims happened to be (on multiple occasions - like a billion times) Wikipedia...
--
"Give me a look at your Word program please Jacky" Mill asked rather impolitely.
"Sure" Jacky replied sheepishly.
You see, Jacky was rather proud of her Mac. Only the good Lord knows why, but she had a certain affinity with it that she couldn't explain to the others, whom she regarded as 'outsiders'. Certainly, those outsiders couldn't understand how such a lively young woman could develop such a deep kinship with a computer (Jacky secretly seethed at the calling of her Mac a mere 'computer').
"There's your problem" Mill announced suddenly.
"What is it?" Jacky enquired rather stereotypically for someone who wanted to know what the announced, but unrevealed problem was.
"You write your articles in Word before you submit them to Wikipedia, right?"
"Yes, it makes sure I don't make as many errors"
"Well, somehow Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip likes to change 'the' to 'teh' when you're not looking."
"Why does it do that"
"It is a Mac..."
And so the mystery of the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06 was solved, and Wikipedia enjoyed that happy ending you were promised by not owing $42.7 billion to McDonalds. However, according to America's judicial system, someone had to pay, and that was Jacky. Fortunately for her, disturbed genius Mill was also disturbingly rich and footed the bill for her (including the obligatory 10% tip). And you want to know the really happy part about this ending? Mill even helped her assemble her new bicycle.
~Fin~
"Mill! I can't believe it's really you!" Jacky exclaimed loudly.
"Well, believe it Jacky!" he replied.
"Why are you here?"
"Oh, ok then. No 'ohai Mill, it’s soooo good to see you!' Whatever..."
"-.-"
"Alright then... Well, do you remember that scandalous Wikipedia Scare of '06?"
"I remember it like it was yesterday..."
"Well, I believe that the source of the commotion has something to do with your Mac!"
Jacky's heart sank to a depth she did not know existed. Standing before her was the man himself; the legend, and he had only come to visit her because she was probably to blame for one of the cyber world's biggest disasters...
--
Of course, none of you are likely to know about the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06, so I must take this opportunity to 'fill the gaps' in your knowledge, so to speak.
The year was 2003, a good 5 years before Jacky became a well-known online celebrity. Guys, these were not good days. The skies were always grey, the air was seemingly polluted beyond repair and as a result, young Jacky developed asthma. As such, it was impractical for Jacky to enjoy her 'prime' years outdoors, having fun with the other boys and girls her age, and she thus began to occupy herself with a thing called the interweb.
[I would also like to take the opportunity to assure you that unlike my normal stories, this one will have a happy ending, even if you can't see it coming yet]
Anyway, on this so-called 'interweb', Jacky discovered a treasure-trove of information on a little family website called 'Wikipedia'. As the years passed by, Jacky helped build the site into the world's most popular (and simultaneously most unpopular) online encyclopaedia/search engine/news source/rumour spreader/media mogul.
At the same time this was happening, a slightly larger corporation named McDonalds was feeling a tad insecure and attempted to copyright every word in the English, French, German and Sudanese dictionaries. America being America, the Courts agreed to this drastic move with just one exception. The Judge could not agree to their exclusive ownership of the word 'the', which McDonalds proposed to charge regular citizens USD2.95 (currently AUD104.50 and NZD8756.20 [I can't fit Zimbabwe's figure here]) for every time they uttered or wrote the word. School children were exempt from this charge, with McDonalds creating a special 'student' price for educational use only - USD2.94. As the trial Judge stated in his judgment, "It is utterly absurd to suggest that this sort of policy could be policed 24-7, and I must therefore reject the motion that McDonalds own the word 'the'. I will however allow their ownership of the common misspelling of the word in the form of 'teh' as a form of deterrence for those with the inclination to spell poorly." Of course, it is absolutely absurd to suggest that an American could be this coherent; he was originally British.
On appeal, this allowance of frenetic copyrighting was overturned (by a Canadian born Judge), with the glaring exception of the misspelling of the word 'the' in the form of 'teh'. Rumours claim that by the time the Judge got around to it (it was the last inclusion on the list), he was so drunk (remembering he was Canadian) that he forgot to strike it from the list. Critics of this rumour remind rumour spreaders that the judgment was handed down at 11am, but critics must also remember that the Judge was Canadian.
So as the year of 2006 progressed, McDonalds took every opportunity they were afforded to 'fine' those unfortunate enough to misspell 'the' as 'teh'. One of these victims happened to be (on multiple occasions - like a billion times) Wikipedia...
--
"Give me a look at your Word program please Jacky" Mill asked rather impolitely.
"Sure" Jacky replied sheepishly.
You see, Jacky was rather proud of her Mac. Only the good Lord knows why, but she had a certain affinity with it that she couldn't explain to the others, whom she regarded as 'outsiders'. Certainly, those outsiders couldn't understand how such a lively young woman could develop such a deep kinship with a computer (Jacky secretly seethed at the calling of her Mac a mere 'computer').
"There's your problem" Mill announced suddenly.
"What is it?" Jacky enquired rather stereotypically for someone who wanted to know what the announced, but unrevealed problem was.
"You write your articles in Word before you submit them to Wikipedia, right?"
"Yes, it makes sure I don't make as many errors"
"Well, somehow Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip likes to change 'the' to 'teh' when you're not looking."
"Why does it do that"
"It is a Mac..."
And so the mystery of the Great Wikipedia Scare of '06 was solved, and Wikipedia enjoyed that happy ending you were promised by not owing $42.7 billion to McDonalds. However, according to America's judicial system, someone had to pay, and that was Jacky. Fortunately for her, disturbed genius Mill was also disturbingly rich and footed the bill for her (including the obligatory 10% tip). And you want to know the really happy part about this ending? Mill even helped her assemble her new bicycle.
~Fin~
Monday, 20 April 2009
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
So I don't quite know what to blog about... In fact, I am suffering from complete writer's block. I can't think of an ending to Jacky's story, I can't be bothered doing my contracts assignment which is due on Thursday, and I seem to be forgetting words.
To remedy this worrying situation, I have decided to try and cure my writer's block by writing about writer's block. At any rate, at least I will have something written...
Writer's block was first diagnosed in 1844 by Sir Anthony Block, who was a writer/doctor, although he had no formal medical qualifications. His field of expertise was self-diagnosis, and throughout his lifespan documented his suffering of tuberculosis, polio, rubella, influenza, writer's block, lime disease, skin failure and hypochondria. Born in 1811, he died in 1914 of what modern experts believe now to have been old age, although it was initially attributed to the latter three of the aforementioned conditions.
Blockologists - that is, those dedicated to studying the lifelong works of Sir Anthony Block - believe that Block would have been proud of today's trend of self-diagnosis (a trend largely attributed to the widespread use of the internet), declaring the imminent extinction of the general practitioner. Of course, this prediction has so far failed to come true, with firm believers in Blockism dying of undiagnosed illnesses at an alarming rate.
--
Ok, so I think I have just worked myself into a bit of form. I am off to prepare dinner and I will then proceed to getting work started on that pesky contracts assignment of mine.
From here I bid you adieu
Adieu
To remedy this worrying situation, I have decided to try and cure my writer's block by writing about writer's block. At any rate, at least I will have something written...
Writer's block was first diagnosed in 1844 by Sir Anthony Block, who was a writer/doctor, although he had no formal medical qualifications. His field of expertise was self-diagnosis, and throughout his lifespan documented his suffering of tuberculosis, polio, rubella, influenza, writer's block, lime disease, skin failure and hypochondria. Born in 1811, he died in 1914 of what modern experts believe now to have been old age, although it was initially attributed to the latter three of the aforementioned conditions.
Blockologists - that is, those dedicated to studying the lifelong works of Sir Anthony Block - believe that Block would have been proud of today's trend of self-diagnosis (a trend largely attributed to the widespread use of the internet), declaring the imminent extinction of the general practitioner. Of course, this prediction has so far failed to come true, with firm believers in Blockism dying of undiagnosed illnesses at an alarming rate.
--
Ok, so I think I have just worked myself into a bit of form. I am off to prepare dinner and I will then proceed to getting work started on that pesky contracts assignment of mine.
From here I bid you adieu
Adieu
Saturday, 18 April 2009
A History of JaquelinRose - Pt. 2
Before Jacky's very eyes was a Wikipedia article she never imagined could exist. Right in front of her, beaming with an unusual and eerie glow was a page dedicated entirely to her. Uncertain of how it came into fruition, she became overwhelmed with a feeling of apprehension and numbing fear. She promptly shut all her windows, locked all her doors and drew all her curtains to a close, when she finally realised it was bucketing down with rain. This only heightened her fear.
Compelled by a sudden feeling of curiosity, Jacky decided to seek out the creator of her mystery page. Being Wikipedia Expert Level 564165156181, she had a few tricks up her tattoo sleeve (she doesn't really have a tattoo sleeve, I was just trying [and failing] to be clever). Checking the page's 'History' tab, she could see only one IP address logged as contributing to the information contained within the page, and she knew exactly whose IP address it was...
--
Although that's also a good place to leave the story hanging on a cliff hanger, I have decided to continue the story for two (2) reasons.
What Jacky saw shocked her even more so than the mystery page about herself. A little 'weirded out' as she would put it, she promptly shut down Internet Explorer (or Firefox, depending on who wants to sponsor this Blog), and pulled out her Optus (again, I'm very open to offers [but not from Telstra]) internet connection. Quickly, she opened Microsoft Word (Mac version 2008 anyone?) and began her document with
Help,
I do not...
Suddenly, Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip appeared and decided to offer some friendly advice. 'It looks like you are writing a letter' he said rather sheepishly. 'Would you like some help?'. At this, Jacky screamed at Cam the paperclip, 'No, I am not writing a f**king (am I allowed to swear on here?) letter, and I most certainly do not need instructional lessons on how to write a letter from a computer generated paperclip such as yourself!'. Of course, this was no use, as computers cannot hear humans, nor understand their speech (well, this one couldn't anyway; must've been a Mac...), so Jacky's outburst was futile. That being said, she didn't know any better as her years dedicated to Wikipedia's mystique had led her to forget about societal 'norms'. Thus, Jacky continued to rant and rave until her cows came home, expertly rounded up by her faithful dog, Drew.
When the cows arrived in the paddock directly outside Jacky's bedroom window, the fragrant waft of methane brought with it a transcendent calm. Realising how rash she had been, she profusely apologised to Cam the paperclip (her best friend of five years), and decided to raid her Papa's fridge for a glass of warm milk (don't question her logic there, it made sense to her at the time).
--
Obviously, it is easy for one to assume, from all this Wikipedia trawling over a span of five years, with very little sleep in between, that Jacky is somewhat socially inept. This couldn't be further from the truth, the truth being that this is a fictional piece of work, should not be taken seriously, and that in real life (I assume), Jacky is actually a lovely young woman, with fine social skills, and is generally well loved. However, the show must go on...
--
Still shivering slightly from the fear of her Wikipedia page and the person who created it (although it was probably from the ice-cold glass of milk she was drinking that she thought to be warm), Jacky heard a loud, booming knock on the front door. It brought with it an authoritative sense of command, almost daring Jacky not to open it. She crept up to the door with the stealth of a sledgehammer, knocking over several seemingly immovable objects on her way, before peering into the peephole that wasn't there yesterday (but is now here for the convenience of this story). What she saw almost made her faint from shock...
Compelled by a sudden feeling of curiosity, Jacky decided to seek out the creator of her mystery page. Being Wikipedia Expert Level 564165156181, she had a few tricks up her tattoo sleeve (she doesn't really have a tattoo sleeve, I was just trying [and failing] to be clever). Checking the page's 'History' tab, she could see only one IP address logged as contributing to the information contained within the page, and she knew exactly whose IP address it was...
--
Although that's also a good place to leave the story hanging on a cliff hanger, I have decided to continue the story for two (2) reasons.
- I haven't written much thus far, and I feel I would be cheating you by only posting a half-arsed attempt at suspense
- I promised Jacky not to turn this into a soap opera; the very definition of soap opera including half-arsed suspense at the end of each installment, between which nothing much actually happens
So on I go...
--What Jacky saw shocked her even more so than the mystery page about herself. A little 'weirded out' as she would put it, she promptly shut down Internet Explorer (or Firefox, depending on who wants to sponsor this Blog), and pulled out her Optus (again, I'm very open to offers [but not from Telstra]) internet connection. Quickly, she opened Microsoft Word (Mac version 2008 anyone?) and began her document with
Help,
I do not...
Suddenly, Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip appeared and decided to offer some friendly advice. 'It looks like you are writing a letter' he said rather sheepishly. 'Would you like some help?'. At this, Jacky screamed at Cam the paperclip, 'No, I am not writing a f**king (am I allowed to swear on here?) letter, and I most certainly do not need instructional lessons on how to write a letter from a computer generated paperclip such as yourself!'. Of course, this was no use, as computers cannot hear humans, nor understand their speech (well, this one couldn't anyway; must've been a Mac...), so Jacky's outburst was futile. That being said, she didn't know any better as her years dedicated to Wikipedia's mystique had led her to forget about societal 'norms'. Thus, Jacky continued to rant and rave until her cows came home, expertly rounded up by her faithful dog, Drew.
When the cows arrived in the paddock directly outside Jacky's bedroom window, the fragrant waft of methane brought with it a transcendent calm. Realising how rash she had been, she profusely apologised to Cam the paperclip (her best friend of five years), and decided to raid her Papa's fridge for a glass of warm milk (don't question her logic there, it made sense to her at the time).
--
Obviously, it is easy for one to assume, from all this Wikipedia trawling over a span of five years, with very little sleep in between, that Jacky is somewhat socially inept. This couldn't be further from the truth, the truth being that this is a fictional piece of work, should not be taken seriously, and that in real life (I assume), Jacky is actually a lovely young woman, with fine social skills, and is generally well loved. However, the show must go on...
--
Still shivering slightly from the fear of her Wikipedia page and the person who created it (although it was probably from the ice-cold glass of milk she was drinking that she thought to be warm), Jacky heard a loud, booming knock on the front door. It brought with it an authoritative sense of command, almost daring Jacky not to open it. She crept up to the door with the stealth of a sledgehammer, knocking over several seemingly immovable objects on her way, before peering into the peephole that wasn't there yesterday (but is now here for the convenience of this story). What she saw almost made her faint from shock...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)