So I don't quite know what to blog about... In fact, I am suffering from complete writer's block. I can't think of an ending to Jacky's story, I can't be bothered doing my contracts assignment which is due on Thursday, and I seem to be forgetting words.
To remedy this worrying situation, I have decided to try and cure my writer's block by writing about writer's block. At any rate, at least I will have something written...
Writer's block was first diagnosed in 1844 by Sir Anthony Block, who was a writer/doctor, although he had no formal medical qualifications. His field of expertise was self-diagnosis, and throughout his lifespan documented his suffering of tuberculosis, polio, rubella, influenza, writer's block, lime disease, skin failure and hypochondria. Born in 1811, he died in 1914 of what modern experts believe now to have been old age, although it was initially attributed to the latter three of the aforementioned conditions.
Blockologists - that is, those dedicated to studying the lifelong works of Sir Anthony Block - believe that Block would have been proud of today's trend of self-diagnosis (a trend largely attributed to the widespread use of the internet), declaring the imminent extinction of the general practitioner. Of course, this prediction has so far failed to come true, with firm believers in Blockism dying of undiagnosed illnesses at an alarming rate.
--
Ok, so I think I have just worked myself into a bit of form. I am off to prepare dinner and I will then proceed to getting work started on that pesky contracts assignment of mine.
From here I bid you adieu
Adieu
Monday, 20 April 2009
Saturday, 18 April 2009
A History of JaquelinRose - Pt. 2
Before Jacky's very eyes was a Wikipedia article she never imagined could exist. Right in front of her, beaming with an unusual and eerie glow was a page dedicated entirely to her. Uncertain of how it came into fruition, she became overwhelmed with a feeling of apprehension and numbing fear. She promptly shut all her windows, locked all her doors and drew all her curtains to a close, when she finally realised it was bucketing down with rain. This only heightened her fear.
Compelled by a sudden feeling of curiosity, Jacky decided to seek out the creator of her mystery page. Being Wikipedia Expert Level 564165156181, she had a few tricks up her tattoo sleeve (she doesn't really have a tattoo sleeve, I was just trying [and failing] to be clever). Checking the page's 'History' tab, she could see only one IP address logged as contributing to the information contained within the page, and she knew exactly whose IP address it was...
--
Although that's also a good place to leave the story hanging on a cliff hanger, I have decided to continue the story for two (2) reasons.
What Jacky saw shocked her even more so than the mystery page about herself. A little 'weirded out' as she would put it, she promptly shut down Internet Explorer (or Firefox, depending on who wants to sponsor this Blog), and pulled out her Optus (again, I'm very open to offers [but not from Telstra]) internet connection. Quickly, she opened Microsoft Word (Mac version 2008 anyone?) and began her document with
Help,
I do not...
Suddenly, Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip appeared and decided to offer some friendly advice. 'It looks like you are writing a letter' he said rather sheepishly. 'Would you like some help?'. At this, Jacky screamed at Cam the paperclip, 'No, I am not writing a f**king (am I allowed to swear on here?) letter, and I most certainly do not need instructional lessons on how to write a letter from a computer generated paperclip such as yourself!'. Of course, this was no use, as computers cannot hear humans, nor understand their speech (well, this one couldn't anyway; must've been a Mac...), so Jacky's outburst was futile. That being said, she didn't know any better as her years dedicated to Wikipedia's mystique had led her to forget about societal 'norms'. Thus, Jacky continued to rant and rave until her cows came home, expertly rounded up by her faithful dog, Drew.
When the cows arrived in the paddock directly outside Jacky's bedroom window, the fragrant waft of methane brought with it a transcendent calm. Realising how rash she had been, she profusely apologised to Cam the paperclip (her best friend of five years), and decided to raid her Papa's fridge for a glass of warm milk (don't question her logic there, it made sense to her at the time).
--
Obviously, it is easy for one to assume, from all this Wikipedia trawling over a span of five years, with very little sleep in between, that Jacky is somewhat socially inept. This couldn't be further from the truth, the truth being that this is a fictional piece of work, should not be taken seriously, and that in real life (I assume), Jacky is actually a lovely young woman, with fine social skills, and is generally well loved. However, the show must go on...
--
Still shivering slightly from the fear of her Wikipedia page and the person who created it (although it was probably from the ice-cold glass of milk she was drinking that she thought to be warm), Jacky heard a loud, booming knock on the front door. It brought with it an authoritative sense of command, almost daring Jacky not to open it. She crept up to the door with the stealth of a sledgehammer, knocking over several seemingly immovable objects on her way, before peering into the peephole that wasn't there yesterday (but is now here for the convenience of this story). What she saw almost made her faint from shock...
Compelled by a sudden feeling of curiosity, Jacky decided to seek out the creator of her mystery page. Being Wikipedia Expert Level 564165156181, she had a few tricks up her tattoo sleeve (she doesn't really have a tattoo sleeve, I was just trying [and failing] to be clever). Checking the page's 'History' tab, she could see only one IP address logged as contributing to the information contained within the page, and she knew exactly whose IP address it was...
--
Although that's also a good place to leave the story hanging on a cliff hanger, I have decided to continue the story for two (2) reasons.
- I haven't written much thus far, and I feel I would be cheating you by only posting a half-arsed attempt at suspense
- I promised Jacky not to turn this into a soap opera; the very definition of soap opera including half-arsed suspense at the end of each installment, between which nothing much actually happens
So on I go...
--What Jacky saw shocked her even more so than the mystery page about herself. A little 'weirded out' as she would put it, she promptly shut down Internet Explorer (or Firefox, depending on who wants to sponsor this Blog), and pulled out her Optus (again, I'm very open to offers [but not from Telstra]) internet connection. Quickly, she opened Microsoft Word (Mac version 2008 anyone?) and began her document with
Help,
I do not...
Suddenly, Cam the Microsoft Word paperclip appeared and decided to offer some friendly advice. 'It looks like you are writing a letter' he said rather sheepishly. 'Would you like some help?'. At this, Jacky screamed at Cam the paperclip, 'No, I am not writing a f**king (am I allowed to swear on here?) letter, and I most certainly do not need instructional lessons on how to write a letter from a computer generated paperclip such as yourself!'. Of course, this was no use, as computers cannot hear humans, nor understand their speech (well, this one couldn't anyway; must've been a Mac...), so Jacky's outburst was futile. That being said, she didn't know any better as her years dedicated to Wikipedia's mystique had led her to forget about societal 'norms'. Thus, Jacky continued to rant and rave until her cows came home, expertly rounded up by her faithful dog, Drew.
When the cows arrived in the paddock directly outside Jacky's bedroom window, the fragrant waft of methane brought with it a transcendent calm. Realising how rash she had been, she profusely apologised to Cam the paperclip (her best friend of five years), and decided to raid her Papa's fridge for a glass of warm milk (don't question her logic there, it made sense to her at the time).
--
Obviously, it is easy for one to assume, from all this Wikipedia trawling over a span of five years, with very little sleep in between, that Jacky is somewhat socially inept. This couldn't be further from the truth, the truth being that this is a fictional piece of work, should not be taken seriously, and that in real life (I assume), Jacky is actually a lovely young woman, with fine social skills, and is generally well loved. However, the show must go on...
--
Still shivering slightly from the fear of her Wikipedia page and the person who created it (although it was probably from the ice-cold glass of milk she was drinking that she thought to be warm), Jacky heard a loud, booming knock on the front door. It brought with it an authoritative sense of command, almost daring Jacky not to open it. She crept up to the door with the stealth of a sledgehammer, knocking over several seemingly immovable objects on her way, before peering into the peephole that wasn't there yesterday (but is now here for the convenience of this story). What she saw almost made her faint from shock...
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
My Heart Is (Not) Yours...
Clouded judgement stirred my mind,
Disturbed at what I'd always find.
Can't face the truth, and could not tell,
My extinguished fear would be my Hell.
My heart became a cold, dank pit;
The ones I loved, suddenly full of shit.
The whispers in my head grew loud;
Of what I've become, I am not proud.
Tired, aching: inside and out
Wanting just to run and shout.
The night has never felt this cold
And I never dreamed I'd be this old.
My life unravels; it's a nightmare -
What I've done is beyond repair.
The wind picks up, takes me away
So you''ll never know what I had to say.
Dream and live on
And forget this stupid, little song...
Disturbed at what I'd always find.
Can't face the truth, and could not tell,
My extinguished fear would be my Hell.
My heart became a cold, dank pit;
The ones I loved, suddenly full of shit.
The whispers in my head grew loud;
Of what I've become, I am not proud.
Tired, aching: inside and out
Wanting just to run and shout.
The night has never felt this cold
And I never dreamed I'd be this old.
My life unravels; it's a nightmare -
What I've done is beyond repair.
The wind picks up, takes me away
So you''ll never know what I had to say.
Dream and live on
And forget this stupid, little song...
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
I Know Something You Don't Know...
Two can play at your game Decca...
For I too will write about that abomination of a film that Hollywood would like you to recognise as 'Knowing'. I prefer to acknowledge it as a steaming pile of horseshit, but hey, each to their own. What I will say though is that the true prophet is the one they call Gemma, as she foresaw that Decca and myself would hate the ending (especially Decca, but I think I ended up hating it more).
I am pleased to note however that afterwards I went on a shopping spree, and pretty much stimulated the economy by myself (thanks for nothing Kevin!). Despite the fact I will never see that $900 everyone else seems to be getting, I am still doing my bit for you all. So bow down to me my minions!
I will keep this one short as I really only wanted to post to highlight Decca's plagiarism of the outstanding first chapter of my story about Jacky the Wikipedia addict, and get my revenge. Note to Decca - changing one word does not remove the fact that that's my intellectual property you are posting!
Love and Kisses (see what I did there Decca?)
Mill
For I too will write about that abomination of a film that Hollywood would like you to recognise as 'Knowing'. I prefer to acknowledge it as a steaming pile of horseshit, but hey, each to their own. What I will say though is that the true prophet is the one they call Gemma, as she foresaw that Decca and myself would hate the ending (especially Decca, but I think I ended up hating it more).
I am pleased to note however that afterwards I went on a shopping spree, and pretty much stimulated the economy by myself (thanks for nothing Kevin!). Despite the fact I will never see that $900 everyone else seems to be getting, I am still doing my bit for you all. So bow down to me my minions!
I will keep this one short as I really only wanted to post to highlight Decca's plagiarism of the outstanding first chapter of my story about Jacky the Wikipedia addict, and get my revenge. Note to Decca - changing one word does not remove the fact that that's my intellectual property you are posting!
Love and Kisses (see what I did there Decca?)
Mill
Monday, 13 April 2009
A History of JaquelinRose - Pt. 1
A dark, wind-swept figure filled the sky swiftly and without warning. Its ominous aura imposed itself immediately on a small city cowering with fear as they simultaneously ducked for the nearest cover they could find. One girl dared to be different however. She was already inside. Even during what was not long before a glorious, sunny day, with a crisp, yet delicate autumn breeze, JaquelinRose dared to stay indoors. You see, Jaquelin had a rather unique problem (although I myself call it an addiction). She was addicted to Wikipedia.
As the rain bucketed down on a city in quick retreat with a relentless and uncompromising force, Jacky took no notice of the commotion that was occurring outside. She had just found the page dedicated to one of Reno's four brain cells (yes, a specific one), when suddenly the page stopped loading. Fearing the worst, she checked her connection status, and signed into MSN, Gmail and DBD at the same time just to make sure her computer was right in telling her that the rain had not affected her ability to surf the web. They all signed in almost immediately, yet Wikipedia continued to stall. Deciding that she'd have to take a gamble, Jacky hesitated as the mouse hovered over the refresh button. Was it worth it? She decided it was and took the plunge...
---
Thankfully, the page loaded this time, but what she found disappointed her greatly. Wikipedia had removed the page, as it wasn't considered to be 'noteworthy', or 'of importance'. Jacky begged to differ, as she found it incredibly fascinating that Reno had even one brain cell, let alone four. However, she decided against contesting the decision, and continued mindlessly strolling through the cyber labyrinth otherwise known as Wikipedia.
Undeterred and continuing on her endless, and ultimately pointless endeavour, she came across the page dedicated to Kevin Rudd's pompous smirk. She wondered how this was allowed to remain on the site while Reno's poor remaining brain cells withered into oblivion, however read on, mildly intrigued by the topic. For example, she was interested to know that he first smirked on a gusty August day, when the wind suddenly changed, and he was thus stuck with the unsavoury expression for all eternity times infinity, as stipulated by disturbed genius Mill, and further reinforced by old wives tales.
Clicking on Mill's link to see the stunning photo of him that some extremely thoughtful member of the Wikipedia community had so graciously uploaded, Jacky was immediately taken aback by a new link she didn't recognise as belonging to Mill's page. She liked to keep a constant eye on his page, editing it back to its former, pristine condition in the rare case of it being taken over by jealous vandals. However, this wasn't the work of vandals. This eerie link made even Jacky - Wikipedia Expert Level 564165156181 - surprised at the content that Wikipedia may sometimes contain. Slowly, she drew her mouse to the mysterious link, and clicked on it, almost fainting in shock at what she saw...
As the rain bucketed down on a city in quick retreat with a relentless and uncompromising force, Jacky took no notice of the commotion that was occurring outside. She had just found the page dedicated to one of Reno's four brain cells (yes, a specific one), when suddenly the page stopped loading. Fearing the worst, she checked her connection status, and signed into MSN, Gmail and DBD at the same time just to make sure her computer was right in telling her that the rain had not affected her ability to surf the web. They all signed in almost immediately, yet Wikipedia continued to stall. Deciding that she'd have to take a gamble, Jacky hesitated as the mouse hovered over the refresh button. Was it worth it? She decided it was and took the plunge...
---
Thankfully, the page loaded this time, but what she found disappointed her greatly. Wikipedia had removed the page, as it wasn't considered to be 'noteworthy', or 'of importance'. Jacky begged to differ, as she found it incredibly fascinating that Reno had even one brain cell, let alone four. However, she decided against contesting the decision, and continued mindlessly strolling through the cyber labyrinth otherwise known as Wikipedia.
Undeterred and continuing on her endless, and ultimately pointless endeavour, she came across the page dedicated to Kevin Rudd's pompous smirk. She wondered how this was allowed to remain on the site while Reno's poor remaining brain cells withered into oblivion, however read on, mildly intrigued by the topic. For example, she was interested to know that he first smirked on a gusty August day, when the wind suddenly changed, and he was thus stuck with the unsavoury expression for all eternity times infinity, as stipulated by disturbed genius Mill, and further reinforced by old wives tales.
Clicking on Mill's link to see the stunning photo of him that some extremely thoughtful member of the Wikipedia community had so graciously uploaded, Jacky was immediately taken aback by a new link she didn't recognise as belonging to Mill's page. She liked to keep a constant eye on his page, editing it back to its former, pristine condition in the rare case of it being taken over by jealous vandals. However, this wasn't the work of vandals. This eerie link made even Jacky - Wikipedia Expert Level 564165156181 - surprised at the content that Wikipedia may sometimes contain. Slowly, she drew her mouse to the mysterious link, and clicked on it, almost fainting in shock at what she saw...
When It Rains...
Rain.
Synonymous with both life and misery
Hope and anguish.
Cleans the air with a sweeping force
That reaches all around.
It could last for days on end
And I wouldn't even notice.
Yet it could last all of five minutes
And my head is in a spin.
As the heavens open their floodgates
And see into my soul,
I gaze intently; ever staring
At that fine and wondrous roll...
Synonymous with both life and misery
Hope and anguish.
Cleans the air with a sweeping force
That reaches all around.
It could last for days on end
And I wouldn't even notice.
Yet it could last all of five minutes
And my head is in a spin.
As the heavens open their floodgates
And see into my soul,
I gaze intently; ever staring
At that fine and wondrous roll...
Saturday, 11 April 2009
Close Your Eyes, Just Settle, Settle
Alrighty,
So, as my title suggests, it is time for me to go to bed, and thus bring to a close my first day of having this blog. I will try and rip off a different band for my next plagiarised title, I promise!
Today has been somewhat eventless, with the highlight (? - notable at least) being Dad randomly finding me in some burger shop in Gymea, when he should have been at work. He didn't seem to want anything, he just found me there and thought he'd say hi... Funny thing is he found my brother on his way to a nearby shopping centre too. I may have to search my body for a GPS device haha.
I should also probably note that if I continue to blog here, I will hopefully post more meaningful stuff than the crap I am currently producing - i.e. more than merely documenting my daily happenings in a few neat paragraphs that will most likely force you into a dreary somnolence. Just don't take me too seriously - seriously.
As my eyelids inch ever nearer toward closure, I find it increasingly difficult to resist regretting my making of this blog. I do not know where it is going to go, but I am sure it will only confirm how much of a dork I really am. I mean, I have a respectable e-presence to maintain, and at this rate, I won't even be able to put away 'user: reno' from DBD in a simple, clear-cut case of I'm right, and he's repeatedly wrong.
I was going to leave you with either some wonderfully insightful quote or concept, or a humorous and witty remark, however it has come to the point where you have surely called my bluff. You have kept reading beyond where I thought you would stop and, as some maligned comedians may admit from time to time, "I got nuthin'"
Yours in internet
Mill
So, as my title suggests, it is time for me to go to bed, and thus bring to a close my first day of having this blog. I will try and rip off a different band for my next plagiarised title, I promise!
Today has been somewhat eventless, with the highlight (? - notable at least) being Dad randomly finding me in some burger shop in Gymea, when he should have been at work. He didn't seem to want anything, he just found me there and thought he'd say hi... Funny thing is he found my brother on his way to a nearby shopping centre too. I may have to search my body for a GPS device haha.
I should also probably note that if I continue to blog here, I will hopefully post more meaningful stuff than the crap I am currently producing - i.e. more than merely documenting my daily happenings in a few neat paragraphs that will most likely force you into a dreary somnolence. Just don't take me too seriously - seriously.
As my eyelids inch ever nearer toward closure, I find it increasingly difficult to resist regretting my making of this blog. I do not know where it is going to go, but I am sure it will only confirm how much of a dork I really am. I mean, I have a respectable e-presence to maintain, and at this rate, I won't even be able to put away 'user: reno' from DBD in a simple, clear-cut case of I'm right, and he's repeatedly wrong.
I was going to leave you with either some wonderfully insightful quote or concept, or a humorous and witty remark, however it has come to the point where you have surely called my bluff. You have kept reading beyond where I thought you would stop and, as some maligned comedians may admit from time to time, "I got nuthin'"
Yours in internet
Mill
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